Does everyone have great anxiety about losing their own stories? In my lifetime of serial monogamy, I have always had ONE SPECIAL person who is like, my story-holder. It's a pretty important role in my life. The problem, then, of course, is when you lose that person, you feel you've lost all these important things you asked them to hold onto for ( Read more... )

To be a SINGER, like any vocation-identity, suggests all sorts of weird requirements besides the obvious ones. I bet aspiring Writers picture long days spent sitting on sun-drenched leather furniture with ink stains all over their hands, and similarly, being a SINGER, to me, was this fantasy involving less unruly hair and a better face. When I was ( Read more... )

My mother instilled in me the completely naturalized, immutable knowledge that i am Bad. She, as the absolute arbiter of good+evil in my formative years, had the ability to play upon this knowledge in various ways. But from an early point I can't identify, that knowledge was mine, and no longer just one of many messages I was receiving, full of the ( Read more... )

right now it feels like my life is made up of a series of relationship-doors that are just slightly ajar. somehow, in my life, it's rare that people decide "i'm done with you, forever. it's over." which, for the most part, is a good thing about people, or so i'm told. i think some of us have more doors left in this ambiguous state than others ( Read more... )

I turned 28. i'm officially going to have to start scaling back the aging process for my career's sake. I've been advised to back it up to at least 25. See, i'm over the prodigy hill. way over. i'm no longer precocious and ambitious and impressive. with every passing month, i feel like more of a disappointment to my childhood self, who already felt ( Read more... )

my dad called me at like, 3:30 to say he was on park avenue. so, i asked him if he would come by my office, and shockingly, he did. (for the first time in years.) he's in new york every single month for a meeting, and he NEVER visits or considers staying a night so we could hang out. remember i have another sister here too. and, it's generally ( Read more... )

it's no coincidence that after a) beginning to share my monster origin story on lj and b) writing a fucking mean email to some fucking unaccountable assholes - i had crazy dreams last night/this morning.

namely, i woke up at 7:30, went back to sleep, and proceeded to sleep through my alarm until 9:30 (when I'm supposed to get to work) because i was ( Read more... )

LOOK AT ME TAKE UP SPACE! I'M SO SCARY AND CHALLENGING! HATE ME, LOVE ME! ATTRACTION/REPULSION/DEATHDEATHDEATH!!!

I used to sometimes write about being a witch of the mundane. It is time I came clean and acknowledged publicly that there is nothing mundane at all about my witchery. Anyone who is interested in putting me to death for the crimes of:

• ( Read more... )

This was a really interesting weekend for me. It was productive and fun, a combination which makes me feel better than most things. There was also some fantastic street harrassment. The weekend in bullets:

• I didn't have any nightmares: This is important because it means that while the weekend was far from restful, at least the sleep i got wasn't ( Read more... )

unlike some people (or maybe they're just a fiction, since no one actually seems to know any of them), i have no love for my high school memories, and little love for my memories of childhood or college either. there are a select few photographs i'll share with loved ones to illustrate these bygone eras of my life, but i have always been far more ( Read more... )